Save the penguins!

What started in Wuhan will end in Antarctica. If corona gets its way, these poor creatures will soon be facing extinction.

Thought you could escape corona by hiding in an ice cave? Think again. Courtesy of your favorite PCR and antigen tests, corona is coming to the south pole. You can’t escape. Wherever you go one of these dreaded PCR tests is going to track you down and diagnose you with corona. Maybe you disagree with me. Maybe you will counter: the PCR test cannot legitimately be used for diagnostic purposes, since all it does it amplify pre-selected genetic sequences found throughout nature - therefore it cannot be used to diagnose me with corona, or anything else! Ok, I know where you’re coming from - but just try to convince the testers of that.

But let’s stay on topic: THE PLAGUE SPREADS TO ANTARCITCA. Here’s my favorite headline so far:

COVID outbreak at Antarctic station among fully vaccinated researchers like a horror movie plot

Bulls-eye! That’s just the kind of drama you need to be able to generate if you’re going to succeed in journalism.

I can only think of one objection: an incident of this kind might more accurately be described as a “Pfizer outbreak” rather than a “COVID outbreak.” The disease these people have “contracted” did not come from outside, it was injected into them - but never mind that. Let’s not be sticklers for details.

Right now we should focus our attention on what matters most: the PENGUINS.

Could you really live with yourself knowing you had abandoned such an animal as the one pictured below to such a cruel fate as death by corona (I'm assuming, in advance, that an autopsy will be done to rule out any other cause)?

They need to start testing the penguins of Antarctica now, before it’s too late, before the entire south pole is invaded by entities invisible to the eye that virologists in their infinite wisdom nevertheless know for certain look exactly like this:

I can already guarantee you a large number of these poor penguins are going to test positive, just as papayas, kiwis, goats, and just as tap water itself has tested positive for corona before them. That’s what I meant when I said you can’t escape corona - and nor can anyone (or anything) else!

We’ve got to save the penguins for God’s sake! Daily Remdesivir drops onto the ice. And vaccines, lots of vaccines. It’s so cold in Antarctica that Pfizer should be able to store their vaccines in the open air without these precious “lifesaving drugs” suffering any significant amount of degradation. This should help this benevolent corporation cut costs and increase profits. The Antarctic: it’s a no-brainer for business expansion.

We’ve already put the poisoned needle into apes, bears, baboons, tigers... Why stop there? Start with the zoos, then take the entire animal kingdom by storm: that’s how money is made.

Every penguin must be vaccinated! This pandemic is out of control.

[Please note: the content of this letter has been debunked by NUMEROUS PUBLIC HEALTH EXPERTS - all of whom prefer to remain unnamed and anonymous.]